There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
