so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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