I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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