I CAN MOONWALK!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
