Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
