It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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