I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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