Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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