i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
