ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
