You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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