Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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