I'd wear matching sweaters with you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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