Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
