I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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