I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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