She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
