I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Randomize
