woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
