Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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