He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
