Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
