I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
