Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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