my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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