I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
