Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
