he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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