On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize