Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
