I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
