There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
