apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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