just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
