Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ttyl tear gas
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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