so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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