I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
