Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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