he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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