wrigley field is MILF paradise
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
