My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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