Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
