I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
