My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
