I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
