my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
