Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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