I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my phone needs a breathalizer
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
