im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
