I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize