I just cut my nipple shaving
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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