hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
