All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
