The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
