Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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