I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
