break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
