please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but iβm ok with it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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