trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
