some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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