3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
