Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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