All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
