a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
COCAINE IS GR8
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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