she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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