Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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