Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
