I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
