i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
