This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
