you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize