He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
