dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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