ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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