barbara walters just said penis...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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