somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
