best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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