Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
