He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
