morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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