1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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