Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
