you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
