i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
