I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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