If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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