I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
