I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
