You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
