How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
