The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize