omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
