Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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