I cockslap morals
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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