The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
