so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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