So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
