all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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