He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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